Did you know chocolate produces a hormone in your body that's the same hormone produced when you fall in love? If that's the case I have to say the best boyfriend I've ever had is a Sea Salt & Almond Chocolove bar. We met at the Co-op I used to go to all the time in Minneapolis and we've been together ever since. It was love at first sight. He's a tasty morsel, sweet, rich, always there for me, doesn't get weirded out when I cry and always makes me feel better. It's such a fulfilling relationship.
I used to want to write for The Onion, but dreams change. At this point in my life I realize that although it might be funny to relate a boyfriend to a chocolove bar, it's also a little cynical. And maybe a bit unfair to all the guys who have shown up in my life.
I recently had a conversation with a young man who is brokenhearted over the ending of his marriage. His ex had moved on and started dating, which left him visibly devastated. I asked him what he thought her moving on meant about him, and what if none of it were true? I told him there are 7 Billion people on this planet, so there's a good chance of finding someone else who'd appreciate him for who he is. I told him he is an Amazing person. He looked at me like I was crazy. After all, who was I to tell him he's amazing? I'd only just met him an hour earlier.
He didn't believe me. That is why he was suffering. He wasn't sad because a relationship that had run its course had ended. He was sad because he thought her leaving meant that he's unlovable, worthless and generally not Amazing. I mean, people don't leave Amazing people, right?
I don't know, in my experience people do all sorts of crazy things. Life would be so much easier if we all just understood that what other people do is never about us, but about them. I've had my share of broken hearts, believe me. If, at the time, someone had told me I was amazing after being unceremoniously dumped, I'd have looked at them like they were crazy too, or maybe punched them in the face.
Now I can look back on those relationships with gratitude. I love and appreciate every one of my exes for what I learned with them, and ultimately, for leaving me. In leaving me they set me free when I didn't love myself enough to set myself free. Every painful perceived loss or rejection helped me come to a moment of choice. When it hurt so bad I couldn't take it anymore, I made a decision. I decided that my worth, my lovability, my Amazingness, is not determined by somebody else. Or by anything outside of me for that matter. Not how many likes I get on Facebook, or how much money I have in the bank, or what kind of car I drive or how much stuff I have. Don't get me wrong, I like stuff and friends and money in the bank. It's just that these things are fleeting, and if you believe they are the measure of your worth, then your worth is fleeting too.
I choose to believe in my inherent Amazingness. Deep down, I think we all know that our amazingness is the truth. I know it's the truth, because when I'm not believing in my amazingness, it hurts so much. When I choose to know my worth, to see my talent, to believe that I am loving and loved and uniquely awesome, it feels indescribably beautiful.
I have found that the world responds in kind to what I hold in my heart. I see evidence of this all around me. So, choosing to believe in my amazingness helps me to create a more fulfilling life. I'm beginning to truly understand that the love of my life isn't a candy bar or even a wonderful man, but the person I see when I look in the mirror. She is the most important person in my life. Her wellbeing is my top priority. When I take care of me, when I love me, when I allow myself to just be me, I have so much more to offer the world. So when I meet my better than Sea Salt & Almond Chocolove Man, you know it's going to be Amazing.
